Expectations

That's what this season is all about! Call them hopes or wishes: Kids write their wish list, you may have hopes of a peaceful and festive family Christmas.

But what it really comes down to is expectations. And when our expectations are not met, we are disappointed. 

In the Christian tradition, the season before Christmas is called Advent, which means "coming" or "arrival." As Christians, we expect, we hope for the coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ. We expect we hope for him to change the world and make it better. We don't celebrate Christmas to commemorate something that happened a long time ago. We celebrate Christmas because of the hope it brings us: God came into this world as a human being! Small, frail, poor. God came to be with us, to be like us, and to show us how to live and how to love. 

The reason we still celebrate this is that we still have hope that the world can change. That we can change and live the way Jesus did. Even thousands of years later, we still have that hope. Without it, everything we do would be pointless and meaningless.

Not only do we have that hope, but we also have the expectation. Expectation is a little more certain than hope. 

Having expectations of our family or of ourselves may lead to disappointment.

Having expectations of God never will. In God's time, God will bring what we have every right and reason to expect of God: Peace, love, justice. 

I'm counting on it! 

Being Thankful

As we're getting closer to Thanksgiving I've seen people post something they are thankful for every day.

A friend and I have been exchanging our daily moments of gratitude via text message.

And every night before I go to sleep I try to think of three good things that happened to me that day. Because our brains tend to focus on the negative. They are like Velcro for negative experiences and like Teflon for positive ones. The negatives stick, the positives slide right off. It's an evolutionary trait: The brain needs to be alert and respond to threats quickly. This was from a time when every living being had to fight every day just to survive. 

As humankind, we have evolved from that (for those of us who are fortunate enough to live in safety), but our brains have not. So we need to be intentional about focusing on the positive. That's why it's good to acknowledge three good things that happened on any given day, to balance out the negative.

This doesn't mean denying that bad things are happening in the world and possibly in our own lives. It just means we look at them with a different attitude: An attitude of gratitude. What's my opportunity here? What can I learn from this, how can I grow? Is God trying to tell me something that I need to hear? 

In ancient Christian tradition, November is also the time to remember those who have passed on, and to face our own mortality: This life is not forever. Nobody will be around forever. Not to sound morbid, but this always helps me put things in perspective: What is really important? Where do I want to invest my energies? What do I want to work for, and what can I possibly let go because in the grand scheme of things it just doesn't matter? Who are the people that I want to surround myself with, and who do I need to distance myself from?

Thanksgiving is a chance to take an honest look at our lives, and to focus on the good. On the blessings that God pours out on us every single day. Especially in times like these. Look for the good. Look for kindness and compassion, and you will find it. Thanks be to God! 

Showing Up

Last Friday, a community group in Westborough (one town over from us) organized a friendship circle for their Jewish neighbors: They invited everyone to come and stand outside the doors of Congregation B'nai Shalom and greet worshipers as they were coming in for Shabbat services.

Originally I had not been planning to attend since we had a church event that evening. But something compelled me to go. Was it the pouring rain that made me think nobody else would show up? Was it my desire to do something, anything, after the horrible news of the shooting of 11 worshipers at the Tree of Life Synagogue outside Pittsburgh two weeks before? Was it the 80th anniversary of Kristallnacht, the night when Jewish stores, synagogues, cemeteries and homes were burned to the ground in Nazi Germany?

In any case, I went. First I couldn't find parking at the school next to B'nai Shalom where we were meeting. Then I saw a long line of people walking. Hundreds of them. The rain didn't stop them from showing up!

We were invited inside and formed two lines in the hallway. Worshipers walked past us to their worship space as hand-written notes were handed to them. Some of them had tears in their eyes, others were seriously crying. They were all overwhelmed and deeply moved by the number of people who showed up. So was I.  

This is how much "showing up" means. And if I hadn't shown up, I would have missed out on a powerful experience of solidarity and hope. 

When did it ever matter to you that someone showed up? At the hospital bed? At a grave site? For your wedding or birthday party? For your kid's concert or game? Didn't it mean the world to you to see them take time out of their busy lives and be with you? 

And my next question is: Where can you show up and be present for someone else in their joy, or in their sorrow? Maybe you've done so recently and experienced how gratifying it is. Maybe you want to but something always got in the way.

In times like these, we need each other to show up. To be there. To show solidarity and support. It means the world, and quite possibly, it could save the world.

Investing in God's Future

In many churches, this is Stewardship Season: The time of year when members are asked to pledge what they plan to give to the church the following year.

We've been trying to call it "Pledge Season" instead, acknowledging the fact that every season is Stewardship Season! To be stewards means to take care of something that you do not own.

We consider ourselves to be stewards of God's creation, of God's people, and of everything that God has blessed us with: our bodies, our minds, our talents, our education, our families. We are also stewards of God's church. We do not own the church, we get to be part of it and "use" it for whatever we may need: spiritual nourishment, a supportive community, to learn about our faith, an opportunity to serve others, and a place where we are accepted and loved for who we really are. But, even if many of us say, lovingly and proudly, "my church...," it is not ours. It is God's. It was here long before we ever came and will be here long after we're gone. 

That's a bit of a relief: We don't have to save the church! We don't have to fix it, or make it grow. God will do all of that. 

But it's also a big responsibility: While we are here and have chosen to be part of the church, we are called to take care of it, and to represent Jesus to the wider community.  God will give us everything we need in order to do that. 

In church speak, we talk about the three "T"s: Time, Talents, and Treasure. Those are the gifts we have to share, and how we can contribute to the work of God in this world. 

How do we use our TIME to do God's work, and to love our neighbor?

How do we use our TALENTS to be followers of Jesus and help build the kind of world he envisioned?

And how do we use our TREASURE, our money, to manifest our values and beliefs? 

Yesterday we asked the worshiping community to think about this: How much of my time, talents and treasure am I willing and able to give to God. 

I invite you to do the same: Think about your "T"s and how you will use them. The world needs you. The world needs good people who will not adhere to the standards of this world (work, wealth, beauty, youth, athleticism...), but the standards of God in whose eyes every living being is beautiful, is valuable, and has a purpose and a place in God's plan. 

How much of your "T"s are you willing to give? 

May God bless each and every one of you, and your "T"s, so they may grow and bear fruit and fill the world with God's love. 

Community

Last week I mentioned how many people are looking for a community, and a place where they can make a difference in the world.

I'm always amazed at how much good people do even in their busy lives: Young moms who work and lead Girl scout troops. Retired folks who babysit their grandchildren, volunteer at the food pantry, Senior Center, library, Historical Society and all sorts of other places! At church, too. I sometimes hesitate to invite them to church because I know they are already doing so much. Maybe they just need a day to sleep in or not have to rush to get their kids dressed and out of the house in time. And, church is so often associated with guilt: "I know I should be going to church but..." That's the last thing I want to do: Make someone feel guilty!

But then I think about what we have to offer as a church... A community. A place where you come together with people of different ages and backgrounds to pray and sing. A place where you can laugh and cry, where you can talk about your struggles and your joys. Where we learn and grow in our faith together because none of us have it all figured out. Where we are inspired to make this world a better place. And I think about times when members of the church had surgery and others did not hesitate to offer meals, rides, and other ways of lending a helping hand and showing that they care.

That's what people miss out on if they're not part of a church.

I was at a conference last weekend and heard a shocking statistic about loneliness: 25% of those surveyed have no one in their lives that they can talk to about meaningful things. Only 8% have a neighbor they can turn to in a time of need. Can you imagine? Loneliness is a sad, painful experience.

Our world is getting more and more connected on a technical and global level, and more and more isolated on an interpersonal level.

That's why I invite people to Trinity Church. We're a good place to start if you're feeling lonely, or if the people you have in your lives are not willing or able to have the kind of deep, meaningful conversations that you long for. We're a good place to talk about your faith, and your questions and your doubts. We're a good place to experience that you are not alone.

If you have found this, whether at Trinity Church or somewhere else (this blog is out there for all the world to read, after all) - please invite your co-workers, your neighbors, your or your kids' friends. It may be exactly what they are longing for, without even knowing it. It doesn't hurt to ask. If they say "no," that is their right. If they say "maybe," ask again later. If they say "yes," you may have given them the best gift they have received in a long time: a community.

Being a Christian

As I am preparing a group of people for membership here at Trinity, I'm thinking about how best to explain to them who we are and what we stand for. And I don't have ten hours! 

Last night I attended an interfaith where a brief overview of Christianity was given, from one particular denomination's perspective. There are so many theological and structural differences between the various Christian churches. It must be very confusing to people of others faiths - and to people who adhere to the Christian faith as well! 

A decline in denominational identity was mentioned: People don't care so much what particular "brand" of Christianity a local congregation belongs to. They want to be part of a community that helps them make a difference in the world. I've seen and heard this myself.

While some may find this trend regrettable I celebrate it. We don't need Baptists or Congregationalists or Presbyterians. We need disciples of Jesus Christ! How and where they affiliate should be an individual's free choice.

So that's one thing that we as Trinity Church stand for: That each individual has a right to their own set of beliefs. We read the Bible, we teach what Jesus taught, and we try to live the way Jesus tells us to. But we don't make anyone go through a checklist of theological concepts and ask them to sign off on them. For example:

- the virgin birth

- the healing and feeding miracles

- the resurrection

- the Trinity

Some of these are theological constructs created by human beings to try to make sense of a mysterious God. Some are interpretations of a text that was originally written in Greek or Hebrew, in a very different cultural context. And all of them are stories told about God or Jesus by human beings. 

None of us know for sure. None of us believe everything that is in the Bible. I certainly don't! At least not literally. And that's okay. I can be a disciple of Jesus and interpret Biblical stories and church traditions in my own way. 

So can you. You don't need to be a Biblical scholar or theologian to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. All you need to be is yourself: a person who longs for a connection with God and with other people. A person who wants to live a deep and meaningful life. A person who wants to have a purpose and make a difference.

We, here at Trinity Church, believe Jesus is the way to that life. But we know and fully respect that there are other ways. 

If you want to know more about Jesus and how you can follow him, you are welcome with us. If you have all kinds of doubts and questions, you are welcome with us. If you've had a negative experience with church and are not sure if you even want to be part of any organized religion, you are welcome with us. 

We will not judge you. We will not tell you what to believe or what to think. We will talk to you and listen to you, we will pray with you and do hands-on ministry with you, if you so choose. 

Please contact me if you'd like to talk about about any of this, whether you are considering membership or have been a member for a long time. We are all still on a journey, and it is more rewarding and more fun if we walk it together. 

I know God has gifted you in many ways. The world needs gifted people. Be yourself (God's beloved child), and allow the world to see God through you. 

Talking to Each Other

Whenever there's a problem between human beings, whenever feelings are hurt, things are tense or there's an outright conflict, it's usually about communication. In families, friendships, between colleagues,  teachers and students - you name it. If something is off, it's because communication is off. Once communication has broken down completely it's very hard to fix. 

Needless to say, as a pastor I deal with that a lot. I know how hard it can be, and how vital to any healthy relationship. 

I attended a mediation training earlier this year and have been reading about healthy communication quite a bit. It's fascinating how quickly things can go bad, and how it all comes down to the same issue: misunderstandings and things that were left unsaid. 

It's hard to be honest when someone hurt you or you're upset about something they did. 

It's easier to try to forget about it. At least it seems easier in the moment. In the long run, it will catch up with you. That pain or anger is not going away unless it's expressed. It will fester. And it will come out one way or another. 

Instead, let your emotions come down to a legal level. Really think through what happened. Try to see both sides of the story. And then sit down with the other person and tell them how you feel. Don't attack them with a laundry list of things they did or didn't to. Just tell them how you feel. "I feel hurt. I feel betrayed. I feel disrespected. I feel angry." Speak your truth. Allow the other person to ask questions so they can truly understand you. You may even want to ask them to repeat what they heard you say to make sure they understood. 

If the other person is willing to listen to you - give them time to calm down first, too, and make sure they are ready - then healing is possible. You'll be amazed. 

I'm not saying this is easy. It's not. And depending on the individual situation it may not always accomplish what you had hoped. But expressing your feelings, speaking from your own experience and being honest with yourself and with the other person, will allow for you to process the whole situation, and help you to move on. 

Give it a try. What have you got to lose?